One of the choices I struggled with was whether to break up with my addicted partner or not.
With hindsight I realize that the answer to this question had always been present within myself.
But I needed or wanted to get the answer from others.
If only someone would tell me that I should put an end to the relationship, this would give me the reason, the justification to do so. Obviously this is insane.
For those suffering from unhealthy habits the holidays can be a difficult time of the year. I often hear that to many of us, days like Thanksgiving, St. Nicolas, Diwali, Hanukkah or Christmas are triggers to watch out for. Of course this is not so (see my previous post on triggers). Also, the end of the year is the time for making life changing resolutions to lose weight, stop smoking, stop drinking, and so on. This too is not the most helpful way to recovery and happiness (see this post). So, what can you do to enjoy this time of the year?
[:nl]We are all born naked. We come into this world with nothing and we leave it in the same way. Yet in our lifetime being naked and simply being one’s self seems to be unnatural. Why?
Initially our Read more
One of the often heard terms in 12-step programs, such as al-anon, are the so-called “3 C’s”: you didn’t Cause it, you can’t Control it and you can’t Cure it. It being the addiction, of course. True Read more
People pleasing is said to be one of the character traits in many people suffering from unhealthy habits. Of course, there is nothing wrong with this. Being nice and helpful to others is a good thing, as long is it feels right. The truth is that often we feel just the opposite: fear, anger and frustration. Why is this and what can we do about it.
The reality you perceive may not be the truth. People have a tendency to interpret what they perceive through their senses, according to what they believe, according to their convictions. It is very useful to be aware of these “tricks” your mind and your thinking may play on you.
What do you do when you realize that a young adult is addicted? As a parent the feeling that will probably hit you first is guilt. Where did you fail in “properly” educating and preparing your baby for the big bad world? Where did you go wrong? Did you warn him or her enough? The emotions these thoughts provoke, can be very painful and overwhelming.
As you may have noticed I have not been posting any new articles for almost 12 months.
I chose to dedicate most of my time to my mother and father who were both suffering from severe health problems. After 53 years of marriage they were admitted in separate health care facilities 20 miles apart in The Netherlands. On Friday August 24th my father passed away. My mother is still in critical, albeit stable, condition. So “life on life’s terms” seemed to be an appropriate titel to pick up where I left off.
Logically, the need to recover from living with an addict can only become apparent when you are conscious of the fact that it is indeed addiction that is affecting your life and that of the addict. Unfortunately this consciousness is often hindered by the mechanisms of denial and repression.