Denial

Sometimes things happen in your life that are so painful that you put them away in the deepest realms of our mind. Sometimes you even deny them. This denial protects you from having to feel or relive pain or suffering. Read more
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Forgiveness

When you or your loved one(s) suffer from an unhealthy habit, blame and anger or guilt and shame,  are states of mind that many of us are all too familiar with. We feel guilty and ashamed for the suffering we cause. We are angry and blame others for our own pain.  What we sometimes do not realize is that these states become an unhealthy habit in themselves. We become used to them. Our lives and the way way deal with people, places and events, and especially how we perceive them, are dominated by them. It has become a form of energy we fuel our lives with. But why would we want to be fueling something that causes us pain and negativity? And what can we do to end this behavior?  I have found that forgiveness is the key.

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The truth about people pleasing

The ‘excuse’ of people pleasing

People pleasing is said to be one of the character traits in many people suffering from unhealthy habits. Of course, there is nothing wrong with this. Being nice and helpful to others is a good thing, as long is it feels right.  The truth is that often we feel just the opposite: fear, anger and frustration. Why is this and what can we do about it.

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About al-anon’s “step one”

To get rid of unhealthy habits many people turn to so-called 12-step programs, such as AA, CA, Al-Anon, to name just a few of the more than 50.

Regular meetings in which the participants suffering from the same habits share their personal stories and experience form the basis of these programs.

It is common practice to have a so-called “step 1 meeting” when there are newcomers in the group. I remember my first al-anon meeting vividly (note: al-anon is a 12 step program for people living or having lived with an alcoholic partner, family member, parent , child, friend, colleague, etc.) and it may be worth while to share this experience with you.

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What makes your habits tick?

Unhealthy habits cause pain. Both to those who suffer from them and to the people around them.   If we accept the common view that addiction is an incurable “disease”, how encouraging is this?  And most of all, is it true?

There was a day in each of our lives when we were free from the habits we are suffering from today. A day when the first seed was planted out of which grew the behavior or the thinking that is bothering us today; whether it’s the first drink, the first cigarette, the first line of cocaine, the first shot of heroin, the first cut, the habit of over- and/or undereating, obsessive thinking or phobic fears.

Why is it, that over time this seed turned into a pattern, a habit, that is so hard to get rid of. It is this question that we must ask ourselves to get to the root of the problem. And it is the answer that is at the root of recovery.

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The truth about higher power

In 12-step programs such as AA, Al-anon, CA, XA, SLAA (and there are many more) the basis for recovery is the belief in a “Higher Power as you understand him” or “God”. So what to do with this when you consider yourself to be an atheist or when you are not a Christian.

In many conversations I have had with people suffering from unhealthy habits I commonly hear – or sense –some form of anger or frustration when talking about this notion of a Higher Power. Some people are outright pi..ed off. How can it be, they ask themselves, that there is so much (personal) suffering and misery in their lives and in the world if there is a God. Why does the Higher Power let this happen?  If this is how you think, then this post is for you.

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Turning the holiday blues around

 

For those suffering from unhealthy habits the holidays can be a difficult time of the year. I often hear that to many of us, days like Thanksgiving, St. Nicolas, Diwali, Hanukkah or Christmas are triggers to watch out for. Of course this is not so (see my previous post on triggers). Also, the end of the year is the time for making life changing resolutions to lose weight, stop smoking, stop drinking, and so on. This too is not the most helpful way to recovery and happiness (see this post). So, what can you do to enjoy this time of the year?

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Low self-esteem: who’s judging who?

One of the recurring themes that comes up when talking to people suffering from unhealthy habits is “low self-esteem”, both as a cause, an excuse and/or as a symptom for their behavior or thinking. The word self-esteem implies a judgment we have about ourselves. The word low expresses the result of that judging process.  When our self-esteem is low, we judge ourselves to be not good enough. However, isn’t judgment up to an impartial judge and jury. So, who is judging who? Awareness about the true nature of this thing called low self-esteem can be very helpful in recovery and you will find out that it is all about the ego’s insanity.

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The truth about triggers

 

Are unhealthy habits triggered and if so, how and by what. In treatment programs the expression HALT (an abbreviation for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) is often used to indicate risk factors that could trigger undesirable unhealthy habits. The truth is that it is your thinking that is at the root of your unhealthy habits, and you can say farewell to them by applying 7 fundamental principles.

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EFT may help you

 

EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Technique. It is a very simple technique that is based on tapping easily accessible acupressure points with your fingers to rid yourself of obsessive or negative thoughts, cravings and physical ailments. I have thoroughly researched the subject and it is undeniable that studies do show very significant beneficial results. For obvious reasons please read the medical disclaimer below.

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