When you live with an addict you are likely to experience anger, frustration, fear, shame and guilt. These feelings may become very overwhelming. They stand in the way of a happy and peaceful life and make it hard to make calm and conscious choices. There are ways to deal with such feelings, and you have […]
Being in a relationship with someone with an unhealthy habit is a choice. This is a fundamental truth and our awareness of it is the beginning point of recovering from our suffering.Being in a relationship with someone with an unhealthy habit is a choice. This is a fundamental truth and our awareness of it is the beginning point of recovering from our suffering.
Contemplating the statement “I am an addict” or “I am addicted” is an important step in unlearning unhealthy habits. The key question is who the “I” is. The answer may surprise you and may radically change the view you have of yourself. Insight in the way you think is an essential step on the way […]
To get rid of unhealthy habits many people turn to so-called 12-step programs, such as AA, CA, Al-Anon, to name just a few of the more than 50. Regular meetings in which the participants suffering from the same habits share their personal stories and experience form the basis of these programs. It is common practice […]
For those suffering from unhealthy habits the holidays can be a difficult time of the year. I often hear that to many of us, days like Thanksgiving, St. Nicolas, Diwali, Hanukkah or Christmas are triggers to watch out for. Of course this is not so (see my previous post on triggers). Also, the end of the […]
One of the often heard terms in 12-step programs, such as al-anon, are the so-called “3 C’s”: you didn’t Cause it, you can’t Control it and you can’t Cure it. It being the addiction, of course. True acceptance of this powerlessness is difficult. It took me over ten years to accept this and to give […]
People pleasing is said to be one of the character traits in many people suffering from unhealthy habits. Of course, there is nothing wrong with this. Being nice and helpful to others is a good thing, as long is it feels right. The truth is that often we feel just the opposite: fear, anger and […]
Logically, the need to recover from living with an addict can only become apparent when you are conscious of the fact that it is indeed addiction that is affecting your life and that of the addict. Unfortunately this consciousness is often hindered by the mechanisms of denial and repression.
In 12-step programs such as AA, Al-anon, CA, XA, SLAA (and there are many more) the basis for recovery is the belief in a “Higher Power as you understand him” or “God”. So what to do with this when you consider yourself to be an atheist or when you are not a Christian. In many […]
We are all created, composed of tiny particles, so scientists say. Before we were born they already existed, and when we die, these atoms that formed us do not disappear. They live on. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. We come from all, and we return to all. We are all. We did not choose […]