[:nl]When we blame ourselves, other people, places or things, we can be sure of one thing: we are not happy with reality as it occurs. And the same is true for others, when they blame us. This is undeniably insane, since reality, the now, has already occurred and we cannot change the past.Read more
Are unhealthy habits triggered and if so, how and by what. In treatment programs the expression HALT (an abbreviation for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) is often used to indicate risk factors that could trigger undesirable unhealthy habits. The truth is that it is your thinking that is at the root of your unhealthy habits, and you can say farewell to them by applying 7 fundamental principles.Read more
When you live with an addict you are likely to experience anger, frustration, fear, shame and guilt. These feelings may become very overwhelming. They stand in the way of a happy and peaceful life and make it hard to make calm and conscious choices. There are ways to deal with such feelings, and you have more control over them than you might expect.Read more
We were not created to live alone. After ending a relationship with an addict – especially a loved one – it is not always easy to make the step to find new people to like, or to love.
As you may have read elsewhere in this blog, the consequences of living with an addict are multiple. You have invested all you have. You may feel you have failed. You are disappointed and you carry emotions such as guilt, anger, shame and frustration with you.Read more
In many cases recovering from living with an addict leads to ending the relationship. It is quite natural that you carry feelings of disappointment, betrayal, anger and pain with you after such a rupture for quite some time. You blame your addict for them and these feelings can stand in the way of engaging in new relationships. You are afraid to get hurt again. We generalize our anger and mistrust towards people we meet (“men are all the same anyhow” or “you cannot trust women.Period.”)Read more
When we are dealing with the chaos and suffering that are the consequence of the addiction of a loved one, friend or colleague, we tend to focus all of our attention on the addict. We solve his or her problems, we want to control the addiction. We fight it. As you may have learned through this blog or through other resources, such as 12 step programs (e.g. al-anon), we obviously cannot.Read more
One of the topics that regularly comes up during the 12 step meetings I attend is anger. One of the things that I have learned is that anger is not a state of being but rather a feeling. This is an important notion. When I say “I am angry” what I’m really saying is “I am feeling angry”. Anger is an emotion, a response. The good thing is that these responses are caused by your mind, your thoughts, and guess who is in control of those? Exactly, you are.Read more